13th February 2019.
The day we had to say goodbye.
I didn't want this day to ever come. Even though I knew that you had died, attending your funeral meant that I had to start to face up to that fact. Up until this day I was able to still come and see you. I could stroke your face, run my fingers through your curly hair. I could kiss your perfect but cold lips. I could bring teddys, photographs, letters and keepsakes. I could pick out your favourite outfit to wear. I could sit and hold your hand, tuck you in to bed with your favourite blanket. I could almost pretend that you were just sleeping, and that the nightmare of the past 2 weeks had been only that - a nightmare. I would soon wake up and you would be okay. However after seeing your tiny white coffin on the day of your funeral I had to face the fact that I would never be able to do those things ever again and I cannot tell you how much that hurts.
Leaving you behind went against everything I knew to be right as your mummy. A part of me was left there with you. I am never to be whole again, until I am reunited with you. My beautiful Girl x